Wow… this really hits. I love how you show that revenge is natural, but choosing forgiveness is actually taking control of yourself. Powerful reminder that who we are is defined by how we respond, not just what we feel.
I really appreciate that, Sofie. What you wrote captures the heart of it: the urge is human, but choosing our response is an act of agency. That’s where real freedom begins.
Superb! Doesn’t it boil down to learning the difference between feeling, reacting and choosing. It seems to take practice- honoring the emotion, acknowledging and accepting it while choosing to act or not act. Then I wonder- how have our communities, our tribes begun to fail at teaching us this.
You’re naming something essential, Kim — the gap between emotion and choice. Maybe the real work is rebuilding tribes where emotional regulation is modeled, not assumed.
I’m intrigued by the role of Tribe - I read the book by the same name (Book by Sebastian Junger). Can we find a way to reclaim it? Not the agrarian form, but some other form? Small social groups use to provide some of this function: civic clubs, Sunday school classes, Free Masonry… all waning entities now.
The old tribal structures aren’t returning to their original form.
But the need they filled hasn’t gone anywhere. What Junger calls “tribe” is what I call mattering: being needed, being known, being part of something that would miss you if you were gone. I don’t think we rebuild the past. I think we build new micro-communities where people feel that same sense of belonging and responsibility.
I don't need revenge, but cannot forgive certain actions planned to hurt voluntarily somebody else. I just walk away because I definitely don't need those people in my life.
Wow… this really hits. I love how you show that revenge is natural, but choosing forgiveness is actually taking control of yourself. Powerful reminder that who we are is defined by how we respond, not just what we feel.
I really appreciate that, Sofie. What you wrote captures the heart of it: the urge is human, but choosing our response is an act of agency. That’s where real freedom begins.
Superb! Doesn’t it boil down to learning the difference between feeling, reacting and choosing. It seems to take practice- honoring the emotion, acknowledging and accepting it while choosing to act or not act. Then I wonder- how have our communities, our tribes begun to fail at teaching us this.
You’re naming something essential, Kim — the gap between emotion and choice. Maybe the real work is rebuilding tribes where emotional regulation is modeled, not assumed.
I’m intrigued by the role of Tribe - I read the book by the same name (Book by Sebastian Junger). Can we find a way to reclaim it? Not the agrarian form, but some other form? Small social groups use to provide some of this function: civic clubs, Sunday school classes, Free Masonry… all waning entities now.
The old tribal structures aren’t returning to their original form.
But the need they filled hasn’t gone anywhere. What Junger calls “tribe” is what I call mattering: being needed, being known, being part of something that would miss you if you were gone. I don’t think we rebuild the past. I think we build new micro-communities where people feel that same sense of belonging and responsibility.
I don't need revenge, but cannot forgive certain actions planned to hurt voluntarily somebody else. I just walk away because I definitely don't need those people in my life.
I respect that boundary so much. Walking away instead of retaliating is already a massive interruption of the revenge loop most people never escape.
Powerful post! Can’t wait to listen to the podcast. Thank you!
Thanks Wanda. It was a really powerful discussion.