This lands deeply. I think many people are not disappearing because they lack success, talent, contribution, or have severe disability. They are disappearing because they have been valued for function while their humanity has gone unrecognized. Your phrase “systemic unmattering” feels important because it names something larger than personal insecurity. Many modern systems reward usefulness while quietly eroding presence, reciprocity, and genuine human recognition. A person can become highly visible and remain profoundly unseen. This is particularly true for the most wounded of us in our culture. My work with severe trauma might add that mattering is not only something we earn or receive from others. It is also something we remember when the ego is no longer forced to organize life around performance, approval, or survival. The deeper wound is not simply invisibility, but the loss of contact with the part of us that knew we mattered before we became useful. In my experience, healing (of the most severely wounded we can imagine) begins when we/they stop asking for usefulness to prove humanity, and begin reinventing/rebuilding lives where presence, relationship, and genuine recognition can return.
Spot on, Ernie. 'Systemic unmattering' is exactly what happens when the 'Trust' and 'Reciprocity' pillars of the M.A.T.T.E.R. framework are replaced by transactional metrics.
You’re right, healing starts when we stop asking our usefulness to prove our humanity. In the book, I talk about 'Autonomy' as reclaiming the lead role in your own story, but as you pointed out, that’s impossible if the 'ego' is still stuck in survival mode, organizing life around approval. We have to dismantle the performance armor before we can remember the inherent worth that was there all along. I really appreciate you bringing your perspective on severe trauma into this. It proves that this isn't just a corporate issue; it's a fundamental human struggle.
Thank you for this, John. I appreciate the way you are naming the corporate expression of this, especially where trust and reciprocity are replaced by transactional metrics. That is where usefulness begins to impersonate worth.
The only place I might refine the language is around “fundamental human struggle.” I wonder if the struggle is not fundamental to being human, but produced when human potential is organized around the wrong center. To me, humans are not designed merely to struggle between winning and losing, usefulness and failure, approval and invisibility. We are intended to become humane.
Years ago, I wrote a song called “Matter of the Heart,” and the question that kept returning was “Are we worth our salt?” In the corporate world, 'worth our salt' often means proving our value through performance. But at the human level, salt is different. It is what 'cracks open' during suffering and leaves behind a residue when pain is allowed to become wisdom, compassion, humility, and reciprocity.
That is why I think this issue reaches beyond corporate culture. The corporate world may simply reveal the distortion most clearly: a human being reduced to metrics, then asked why they feel unmattered. Healing begins when worth is no longer outsourced to usefulness — when what we have suffered is not used to prove our value, but allowed to transform us via matter of the heart.
Resignation is not a natural state. Human beings are fundamentally participatory creatures. We are built to engage, to respond, to imagine, to intervene. When that impulse withers, it is usually because something in our understanding of the world has led us to believe that participation is futile. To recover the desire to act, it helps to understand how change actually becomes possible, and how our relationship to reality shapes our willingness to participate in it.
People often describe resignation as weakness, apathy, or disengagement. But many forms of resignation are actually adaptive responses to prolonged powerlessness. When someone repeatedly experiences environments where their voice, effort, or humanity seem to have no meaningful impact, participation begins to feel emotionally irrational.
And I think you’re right that restoring agency requires more than motivation. It requires rebuilding a believable relationship with reality itself — one where action once again feels consequential.
Most people do not lose the desire to matter overnight. They slowly internalize the belief that nothing they do meaningfully changes the outcome. That is often where emotional withdrawal begins.
Which is why small moments of efficacy, contribution, acknowledgment, and human connection matter so much. They help re-establish the psychological bridge between action and meaning.
John, Systemic unmattering is going to stay with me. I love a good framework and look forward to reading more of your work. Congratulations on your book.
Monica — the fact that it stayed with you is exactly why I wrote this book. Systemic unmattering is what happens when the problem is invisible long enough that people start believing it is personal. It isn't. And the rebuild is real. I think you are going to find a lot in these pages.
John, thank you for the thoughtful comment. I am definitely going to spend more time reading what you already have posted. Glad we have connected on the platform. You might be interested in my Emotional Intelligence piece I posted earlier today. Seems like we share a lot of similar themes and interests. Have a wonderful day, Monica
Interesting idea where one is considered as an effective object to promote a system. The essence perhaps is not acknowledging the intrinsic value of a human being, for being a person, the inherent value and dignity of a human person. What I find is that, if one is not clear about this inherent dignity, we are not necessarily going to get that appreciation from others. First you have to love yourself, and only then you can get others to love you. Anyway, just random thoughts after reading your interesting post
Araceli, thank you for these 'random thoughts'—they actually hit on the exact structural crisis I’m exploring in the book.
You’ve identified the 'Metabolic Cost' of being an effective object: when we treat ourselves (and allow others to treat us) as a means of production, our internal mattering signal goes flat. We stop inhabiting our lives and start simply managing our reputations.
I especially love your point about the order of operations. In my research with social psychologist Claude Steele, we look at this as 'Self-Adequacy.' If the internal receptors for worth aren't functioning, external praise just reflects off the surface—it can’t be integrated. Reclaiming that 'intrinsic dignity' is the only way to move from survival to authorship.
Christopher, it’s funny you mention Type 9. I’ve been diving deep into that specific architecture lately. I actually had a fascinating conversation with Dr. Deborah Egerton about this—she’s one of the leading voices on using the Enneagram to navigate identity and reclaiming the self.
This is an interesting idea. The part about systems rewarding what people produce but not really seeing the person behind it made sense. I also like that you’re trying to offer a practical way to rebuild a sense of worth, not just describe the problem. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate that, Denise. I think we have plenty of books that hold up a mirror to our pain, but fewer that give us the hammer and nails to actually fix the structure. My goal with the M.A.T.T.E.R.™ Framework was to move from awareness to actual reconstruction. I’m glad that distinction resonated with you!
AI completely eliminates the need for corporate hierarchy to even consider a human element. Because of this, I think your book couldn’t have come at a more prescient moment. I am anxious to dig into it.
This lands deeply. I think many people are not disappearing because they lack success, talent, contribution, or have severe disability. They are disappearing because they have been valued for function while their humanity has gone unrecognized. Your phrase “systemic unmattering” feels important because it names something larger than personal insecurity. Many modern systems reward usefulness while quietly eroding presence, reciprocity, and genuine human recognition. A person can become highly visible and remain profoundly unseen. This is particularly true for the most wounded of us in our culture. My work with severe trauma might add that mattering is not only something we earn or receive from others. It is also something we remember when the ego is no longer forced to organize life around performance, approval, or survival. The deeper wound is not simply invisibility, but the loss of contact with the part of us that knew we mattered before we became useful. In my experience, healing (of the most severely wounded we can imagine) begins when we/they stop asking for usefulness to prove humanity, and begin reinventing/rebuilding lives where presence, relationship, and genuine recognition can return.
Spot on, Ernie. 'Systemic unmattering' is exactly what happens when the 'Trust' and 'Reciprocity' pillars of the M.A.T.T.E.R. framework are replaced by transactional metrics.
You’re right, healing starts when we stop asking our usefulness to prove our humanity. In the book, I talk about 'Autonomy' as reclaiming the lead role in your own story, but as you pointed out, that’s impossible if the 'ego' is still stuck in survival mode, organizing life around approval. We have to dismantle the performance armor before we can remember the inherent worth that was there all along. I really appreciate you bringing your perspective on severe trauma into this. It proves that this isn't just a corporate issue; it's a fundamental human struggle.
Thank you for this, John. I appreciate the way you are naming the corporate expression of this, especially where trust and reciprocity are replaced by transactional metrics. That is where usefulness begins to impersonate worth.
The only place I might refine the language is around “fundamental human struggle.” I wonder if the struggle is not fundamental to being human, but produced when human potential is organized around the wrong center. To me, humans are not designed merely to struggle between winning and losing, usefulness and failure, approval and invisibility. We are intended to become humane.
Years ago, I wrote a song called “Matter of the Heart,” and the question that kept returning was “Are we worth our salt?” In the corporate world, 'worth our salt' often means proving our value through performance. But at the human level, salt is different. It is what 'cracks open' during suffering and leaves behind a residue when pain is allowed to become wisdom, compassion, humility, and reciprocity.
That is why I think this issue reaches beyond corporate culture. The corporate world may simply reveal the distortion most clearly: a human being reduced to metrics, then asked why they feel unmattered. Healing begins when worth is no longer outsourced to usefulness — when what we have suffered is not used to prove our value, but allowed to transform us via matter of the heart.
Resignation is not a natural state. Human beings are fundamentally participatory creatures. We are built to engage, to respond, to imagine, to intervene. When that impulse withers, it is usually because something in our understanding of the world has led us to believe that participation is futile. To recover the desire to act, it helps to understand how change actually becomes possible, and how our relationship to reality shapes our willingness to participate in it.
I think this is such an important distinction.
People often describe resignation as weakness, apathy, or disengagement. But many forms of resignation are actually adaptive responses to prolonged powerlessness. When someone repeatedly experiences environments where their voice, effort, or humanity seem to have no meaningful impact, participation begins to feel emotionally irrational.
And I think you’re right that restoring agency requires more than motivation. It requires rebuilding a believable relationship with reality itself — one where action once again feels consequential.
Most people do not lose the desire to matter overnight. They slowly internalize the belief that nothing they do meaningfully changes the outcome. That is often where emotional withdrawal begins.
Which is why small moments of efficacy, contribution, acknowledgment, and human connection matter so much. They help re-establish the psychological bridge between action and meaning.
John, Systemic unmattering is going to stay with me. I love a good framework and look forward to reading more of your work. Congratulations on your book.
Monica — the fact that it stayed with you is exactly why I wrote this book. Systemic unmattering is what happens when the problem is invisible long enough that people start believing it is personal. It isn't. And the rebuild is real. I think you are going to find a lot in these pages.
John, thank you for the thoughtful comment. I am definitely going to spend more time reading what you already have posted. Glad we have connected on the platform. You might be interested in my Emotional Intelligence piece I posted earlier today. Seems like we share a lot of similar themes and interests. Have a wonderful day, Monica
Interesting idea where one is considered as an effective object to promote a system. The essence perhaps is not acknowledging the intrinsic value of a human being, for being a person, the inherent value and dignity of a human person. What I find is that, if one is not clear about this inherent dignity, we are not necessarily going to get that appreciation from others. First you have to love yourself, and only then you can get others to love you. Anyway, just random thoughts after reading your interesting post
Araceli, thank you for these 'random thoughts'—they actually hit on the exact structural crisis I’m exploring in the book.
You’ve identified the 'Metabolic Cost' of being an effective object: when we treat ourselves (and allow others to treat us) as a means of production, our internal mattering signal goes flat. We stop inhabiting our lives and start simply managing our reputations.
I especially love your point about the order of operations. In my research with social psychologist Claude Steele, we look at this as 'Self-Adequacy.' If the internal receptors for worth aren't functioning, external praise just reflects off the surface—it can’t be integrated. Reclaiming that 'intrinsic dignity' is the only way to move from survival to authorship.
Thank you for being part of this conversation!
You might the Enneagram interesting, especially number 9.
Christopher, it’s funny you mention Type 9. I’ve been diving deep into that specific architecture lately. I actually had a fascinating conversation with Dr. Deborah Egerton about this—she’s one of the leading voices on using the Enneagram to navigate identity and reclaiming the self.
We talked specifically about how the Enneagram helps us read our own internal chart so we can stop disappearing into our roles and start inhabiting our lives. You might find our session interesting: https://passionstruck.com/deborah-egerton-how-to-read-your-enneagram-chart/
This is an interesting idea. The part about systems rewarding what people produce but not really seeing the person behind it made sense. I also like that you’re trying to offer a practical way to rebuild a sense of worth, not just describe the problem. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate that, Denise. I think we have plenty of books that hold up a mirror to our pain, but fewer that give us the hammer and nails to actually fix the structure. My goal with the M.A.T.T.E.R.™ Framework was to move from awareness to actual reconstruction. I’m glad that distinction resonated with you!
AI completely eliminates the need for corporate hierarchy to even consider a human element. Because of this, I think your book couldn’t have come at a more prescient moment. I am anxious to dig into it.