The Ignited Life with John R. Miles

The Ignited Life with John R. Miles

Why We Fawn and How to Stop

The Fourth Trauma Response and the Cost of Self-Abandonment

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John R. Miles
Sep 09, 2025
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I remember a moment years ago, sitting across from someone who had just insulted me. I smiled politely, nodded, and even laughed at their joke. On the outside, I looked calm, agreeable, maybe even gracious. On the inside, I was furious. My heart was pounding, my throat tight. I wanted to speak up, but I didn’t. I swallowed my anger and let it slide.

Driving home that night, I asked myself: Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I just say what I feel? At the time, I thought it was just my personality. That I was being “nice.” But it wasn’t niceness. It was survival.

And that realization changed everything.

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