It starts with a smile.
Not the kind born of joy — but the kind that hides what’s really going on inside.
Jodi Blinco knew that smile well. On the surface, she seemed to be thriving. To colleagues, she looked confident and capable. To her friends, she appeared to be someone who had it all together. From the outside, her life seemed to check all the boxes — career, competence, and the image of success.
But behind that professional smile was a very different reality.
As she shared with me in our conversation this week, Jodi was living with high-functioning depression. She could hit the deadlines, show up for others, and maintain the façade. But inside, she was unraveling.
That paradox — appearing whole on the outside while feeling fractured inside — is more common than we like to admit. And it doesn’t just show up as depression. It manifests in the way we divide ourselves into separate parts.
The Hidden Divide
Think about it. You might have:
A version of yourself at work — polished, professional, buttoned-up.
Another version at home — parent, partner, friend.
Another online — curated, filtered, presentable.
And then the quiet self few people see — the one you carry when the masks come off.
Each is real. Each is true. But together, they don’t add up to wholeness.
When the distance between those selves grows too wide, something essential is lost. You stop feeling like a unified being, and instead, you feel like an actor juggling roles. Exhausted. Disoriented. Invisible to yourself.
This is what I call The Fragmentation Gap — the hidden divide between the many selves we perform and the one life that flows when those selves come together.
Why It Matters
The fragmentation gap doesn’t just drain your energy. It erodes your sense of identity.
When you live in pieces:
Your nervous system stays on high alert, trying to hold the parts together.
Stress and anxiety compound — even when nothing is “wrong.”
And over time, you lose access to something profoundly human: coherence.
And coherence isn’t just psychological — it’s spiritual.
Because when your life is fragmented, you can’t access flow. Not just the kind of flow that shows up in sports or creativity, but the deeper flow of life itself — the sense that your values, your identity, and your legacy are aligned. That you’re being carried by something larger than yourself.
Without integration, we lose coherence. Without coherence, we lose connection — to others, to meaning, to spirit. That’s why so many people describe fragmentation as a kind of soul sickness.
You can eat clean, exercise daily, even “check all the boxes” — but if your life is fractured, your spirit knows the truth: wholeness is missing.
This part of the story continues for paid subscribers.
In the rest of this piece, I’ll share:
The 4-step framework I use to help people close the fragmentation gap.
Jay Vidyarthi’s insights on how technology slices our attention into shards — and how to reclaim it.
Jodi Blinco’s practices for healing when life feels divided.
Practical rituals you can try this week to move toward integration.
Because here’s the truth: flow isn’t about being perfect in every role. It’s about living one whole life.
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Closing the Gap
Integration doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through small, deliberate steps. I call it the 4 N’s of Integration:
Notice where your life is fractured.
Name the values and roles that truly matter.
Nurture rituals that bring those pieces together.
Navigate toward coherence through small but steady course corrections.
Because coherence isn’t about being the same person in every room. It’s about recognizing yourself in each one.
This Week’s Challenge
Take five minutes this week to map your roles. Write them down: parent, partner, leader, employee, friend, caretaker, creator.
Then ask: Where do I feel like myself? Where do I feel like I’m acting?
That’s where the fragmentation gap lives. And noticing it is the first step toward healing it.
The Quiet Truth
We weren’t built to live in fragments.
We were built for wholeness.
When your roles, your values, and your spirit stop competing — and start harmonizing — life doesn’t just function. It flows.
This week, map your roles. Share in the comments one place where you feel most like yourself — and one place where you don’t. Let’s start closing the fragmentation gap together.
— John
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